To Catch An I-Jacker

Chris Hansen is a douche.

We watched Dateline's latest inflammatory episode last night. It featured Chris "To Catch A Predator" Hansen on the trail of stolen iPods. Now, as we all know, this is an epidemic of biblical proportions that only a man like Mr. Hansen can take on. I mean, who hasn't had an iPod stolen or knows someone that has had one stolen? It's a problem that will likely cripple modern day society if not nipped in the bud. Honestly, Chris Hansen might be the new Jesus. His holy crusade is to make sure that every one that purchases an iPod can keep listening to the latest Akon track without interruption. Otherwise, I think the terrorists win.

Seriously, is this issue on par with catching people with the intent to have sex with kids? Apparently it is. Why else would he waste his time on something like this. An iPod costs $300 to $400 bucks (at least, those are the ones that Dateline was using). Is this equivalent to the innocence of a child? I'm going to say maybe just because I really like my iPod. Plus, you can always reformat an iPod. :-p

The main problem with the whole story was how they planted bags with brand new iPods on benches in malls, on the street, and in cars. First, if you find an abandoned bag on a bench in a mall, you're not stealing. You're finding. Yes, you're supposed to turn it in to security, but who among us would do that? A very select few, I guarantee.

Once the "stolen" iPod was connected to the new owner's computer and the "iTunes" software was installed, they could track it. This is because they replaced the disc that came with the iPod with one that they created. It looked the same, but had specialized software that allowed the iPod to be tracked. They had to do this because Apple would not assist them in making criminals out of regular people. Way to go, Apple!

So, the whole show was based on the THEORY that you could track down a stolen iPod. There was no actual real world evidence that it is possible. Just a theory created by Chris Hansen and "proven" by the fact that he could find the ones he planted. That's fucking amazing, Chris.

How about he put some of that energy into finding things like who killed Kennedy or proof of the afterlife. Of course, he's got bigger things to worry about. Somewhere in the country there's a pen being stolen off of a bank teller's counter. Sic 'em, Chris!