The Darkness

I was really excited to dig into The Darkness this weekend. Little did I realize that lurking on that game disc was not a game, but an exercise in frustration.

I really don't think that this game was play tested at all during development. I think the designers put it together and knew exactly where to go and what to do, therefore they did not need anyone on the outside to test it for playability. That's the only way I can figure a game this flawed got out into stores.

Each level I went through was worse than the one before it. I wandered aimlessly through one area for no less than a half hour before I backtracked through a tunnel (and a loading screen) and found where I was really supposed to be. There are areas like that one that have no reason to even exist other than to frustrate and annoy.

Then there's the multiplayer, which isn't as bad as some of the reviews have let on. Being able to shapeshift is fun. Of course, if any of the weapons besides the dual pistols were at all usefull, the multiplayer would be even better. As it stands, you run around, pick up a weapon and it auto switches to that weapon, so you switch it back to the pistols. Rinse, repeat. Great design, Starbreeze!

A yin to the Darkness' yang, I really expected War Tech Senko Ronde to be really bad, but after playing it a while, I realized it is bad...so bad it's good!

When you start up this game, it tells you a story about a little girl that was never stopped crying. She cried 24/7 and eventually caused all sorts of bad stuff to happen to the world like famine and pissed off Japanese people with guns.

So, I guess they get tired of all her crying and decide (here comes the comedy) to shoot her into space. I'm not sure if this was decided by a committee or what, but that seems a little extreme. How about just give her a zoloft or something?

After that, you're thrust into one-on-one mech battles. The dialog between these people swings from making no sense to being absolutely hilarious! Honestly, you never get tired of hearing "Mew mew mew". I don't know what it means, but I like it!

The actual gameplay is fun once you get into it. You can change into huge things like swords and staplers. The funny thing is, you never find out what happened to the little girl. She's just out there in space crying her eyes out. Way to go, Japan!