The Job Search

Looking for a job is like trying to get laid in high school. Finding the right combination of a girl you like that actually likes you, getting to spend some time alone, and then actually getting her to take her pants off, is almost impossible. I honestly think it would be easier to harvest my own organs and put them on eBay. Step 3: Profit!

I've noticed after being through this a couple times in the last year or so that you go through a few different emotional stages during the job search.

Stage 1 starts when you find out you're going to be laid off. There's still plenty of hope and a positive attitude. You'll find something. It's just a matter of finding a company that can see how great you are. Salary expectations are still high.

Stage 2 starts to creep up after you've submitted a few hundred resumes and had zero responses. All these employers must be crazy to be passing up on the opportunity to have me on the payroll. Right?

Stage 3 shows up a few weeks before deadline. You've started drastically lowering your expectations for salary and location. Fear begins to set in.

Stage 4 is basically "what the fuck am I going to do?"

Anyway, it's 9 lbs of stress in a 1 lb sack.