Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Cough Drops And Coffee Filters

Sometimes I wonder how companies make money on their products. I bought a package of cough drops recently that had like 200 in there. When am I going to ever suck on 200 cough drops? And it only cost me like $.88 cents. How does that work? I buy the only package of cough drops I will need for the next three years and you get $.88 cents?

Even worse is the coffee filter industry. How do you possibly make money!? I bought a package of coffee filters back in like 1999 and just recently had to buy new. That's over a decade! And they cost me like $1! Not to mention the coffee maker I bought at the same time in 1999 was like $13. The only thing you really have to buy is the actual coffee. How does this industry sustain itself?! I spend $15 on all the hardware I will ever need to make coffee for the next 12 years and your company slowly goes bankrupt waiting for me to buy more.

No wonder Starbucks charges $5 for a cup of joe.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


This is fucked up! And hilarious!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

2 Fat 2 Fly / 2 Legit 2 Quit

I kind of want to weigh in (pun!) on the whole Kevin Smith too fat to fly thing. I have a couple things that bug me about it, none of which really revolve around him being too fat or what the airline did.

I'm really just annoyed that he's finally getting some mass media coverage, and it's because of his weight. That and the fact that I watched the entire Entertainment Tonight show the other day because they had a doctor that was supposedly going to give insight into just how fat he is. And after many many teases and commercial breaks, the doctor really only gave us "he's probably over 300 pounds".

Well, thank you!

First off, let's go ahead and say it. 300 pounds is heavy, but not near as heavy as the public at large (pun!) thinks it is. I myself am 270 right now. Yes, I'm a big dude. Am I so big I don't fit places? No. Am I so big I can't walk or require the use of a motorized cart? Hell no.

Not only am I not handicapped by my "massive girth", I can still see my penis! I call that a good thing. (I also call it something else, but I'm not sure I want to type "purple-headed yogurt slinger" on my blog...wait...what?)

So, while I know that I'm not the healthiest guy around, I know that I eat relatively well and I'm not actively gaining weight. I maintain and I live. Someday I will get serious about dropping some pounds and that's great. I want to be healthier for my son. Does that mean I'm not content with me right now? No, I'm cool. I'm happy.

Anyway, I feel for Kevin Smith being put up as a fat poster child. It's easy to make self-deprecating jokes about your weight, but when somebody else does it, it stings a little. Like, it's OK for me to acknowledge it, but you don't need to remind me. I think it's like being able to make a racist joke if you're the race you're making fun of. Unless you're Jewish, then you're fair game.

Bottom line is, he got screwed by the airline. He's gotten his revenge, plus plenty of publicity whether he likes it or not. It doesn't make me like him any less. Hell, I've been listening and reading to everything he's posted on the subject. It does suck that it's an actual story and gotten this much traction.

Personally, I just want to see Cop Out.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Tuesday, February 02, 2010


I think it would be funny to make a shirt that just says the word "Plaid" on it. Because, when you see that word it takes you a second to read it. At first you think it says "played" because you're used to sounding words out. Then you have to make that adjustment and think, "no, that's plaid, not played". Then you think, "damn, I just got played by that plaid shirt".

It might be funny to actually make the letters in the word plaid to be plaid, but then I think it would lose it's ironic abilities and make more sense. If it's just a solid shirt with big, solid letters, that makes you think about it more. Like, why does that shirt just say plaid, but it's not plaid.


Monday, February 01, 2010

Making Fun of the iPad

Vibrating Toothbrush

The other day I bought one of these new vibrating toothbrushes. Is that how you say it? Toothbrushes? Seems like it should be teethbrush.

Anyway, I'm using this thing in my mouth when I come to a startling realization. What if I'm actually using a vibrator on my mouth?! You know how companies like Sharper Image market "personal massagers" for your back and neck, but in reality your parents and grandparents use them on their junk? What if this is the new "personal massager"?! And I'm the only person that doesn't know it's not for my mouth hole!? Meanwhile, some middle-aged chick is using the same model to take herself to O-Town.

No, not the band.