Speed Racer And The Contest

We watched Speed Racer this weekend. Well, I watched it and Rhea fell asleep. Then I had a seizure and went to bed.

Now, I didn't hate the movie. The action and CGI were impressive. The fight scenes and other parts were pretty atrocious. Especially when they focused on Spritle and Chim Chim.

Honestly, I'm not sure how so many people can work on a movie and not realize it's going to be bad. But, like I said, the racing was pretty sweet. Not believable at all, but sweet.

Also, on the show, we're giving away a copy of the new Animal Crossing: City Folk game. You have to take a listen to the show and find out how to enter. It's a pretty funny episode if I do say so myself.

Meat Cuts

My wife and I were coming home from visiting Ethan and eating at Cozymel's when we passed a place called Knockouts. She told me it's a place where hot chicks cut your hair in bikinis. Kind of like a Hooters for hair. I immediately realized that I was in desperate need to get my herr did. She immediately hit me.

So anyway, I started thinking of a place like that, but for women. The guys would be hunky and wear a speedo or something. I'm not sure that women would flock to such a place, which makes it such an interesting dichotomy. I would go get my hair cut by a scantily clad chick and not even care if she had her barber's license or even a driver's license. Hell, she could be an illegal trying to make enough money to send back home so her family can have shoes.

I believe a place like this would live or die on its name. Of course, I have come up with a few.

• Meat Cuts
• Sack N' Shears
• Cock Cuts
• Banana Hammocks
• The Tea Bag Salon

And, just to show you that I can come up with some less penis-centric names...

• Trim
• Cut And Buns
• Blow And Go
• Pec Clips
  
• Shear Beefcake
  

Happy Birthday, Ethan!

Ethan would be three years old today. I love you son, and I miss you.

Christmas Wishlist

I've created my Amazon.com Christmas wishlist. I also accept cash.

Tipping The Stripper

I got to spend some time with my beloved Rock Band 2 this weekend, as well as Duke Nukem 3D. I have to thank the guys over at SFX-360.com for hooking me up with a code to download it. I wouldn't have paid for it, both because I don't have the points and because I'm still not buying XBLA games. Not sure if using a code goes against my boycott, but I think it's ok. ;-)

I made a little progress in Rock Band 2. I had to play that goddamn Tangled Up In Blue song by Bob Dylan. WTF is that doing in RB2?!

The Nirvana track pack is coming this week. I have 300 space points to spend on tracks, so that's almost 2 tracks worth! As long as I've been bitching about when these songs are coming, now I can't vote with my wallet and buy them all. I will when I get some points. Probably for Christmas.

We are starting our diet this week. I think we will do well. I'm going to the doctor this afternoon for a check up, so I will know my exact weight and where I'm starting.

Voting With Your Wallet

Does this actually work? I've been thinking about this a lot lately, wondering if it's actually effective. It occurs to me that it's pretty much a boolean type of thing. Either you buy something (yes) or you don't (no). The problem with this begins when you realize that one "yes" answer outweighs one"no".

For example, if a game ships based on a movie. The game sells a million copies. That is enough to prove to the publisher that it was a worthwhile investment and do it again. Meanwhile, several million of us ignored the game altogether. The fact that it sold that many means they made money and will shovel more of the same crap onto shelves.

The question then becomes, why do you care? If a million people bought something, then that's their loss. They're spending their own money for crap and who am I to complain, right?

What bothers me the most is the message this kind of thing sends to the content makers. All of the movie studios, record labels, and game publishers know that they can push out crap and it will sell. Then, of course, they decide that making X amount of money on this content isn't good enough. So they up the price. And it still sells. And they up the price. And so on...

The long and short of it is this. We as consumers should hold these people responsible for making high quality entertainment. And we should let them know that we're not willing to pay more for something just because they want fatter wallets. I want a fatter wallet, too. I also don't want to ever see another movie as bad as X-Men 3 or Epic Movie.

And this doesn't even begin to cover my issues with some of the DLC news that's come out lately. I will get back to you on that after I decide what I'm going to do.

Sex In The City

We watched the Sex and the City movie last night. I owed it to Rhea since we didn't see it in the theater. It was on Blu-Ray, so it was probably better than in the theater. At least that's what I'm telling myself to alleviate my guilt.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but that doesn't mean my genitalia didn't run back up into my body like a frightened turtle. It was a lot longer than I expected considering it was about a bunch of chicks talking about their feelings. Oh who am I kidding. I'm surprised it wasn't four hours. Ba dum bum!

What concerns me is how the movie paints women and how they should react to things that happen in their relationships. Basically, as a woman, you should (spoiler alert):

• Forgive being left at the altar because, in the long run, you're not going to be able to find another man, so why try?
• Forgive your man for cheating on you because, in the long run, you're not going to be able to find another man, so why try?
• Leave the one guy that can stand your annoying ass just so you can bang a bunch of random guys. Classy!
• Wear the ugliest thing you can find. Match it with the second ugliest thing you can find. Put on some heels. Make sure your bra straps are showing. Go out on the town.

It's great that you gals should feel empowered to get out there and "have it your way", as it were. Bang away, I say. You should just be careful so you don't catch the AIDS. Or end up looking like Sarah Jessica Parker.

Playing Spore

So I'm up to the tribal section in Spore. Hasn't taken me very long to get there, either.

Making The Band

I finally landed on a new band name and now I can play challenges and make merch! My new band name is No Pants Till Monday. I think it's funny and representative of my desire to create not just an identity, but a brand.

I can see it all now. T-shirts, posters, shoes, Zunes, etc. All will be sold next to the small one-inch buttons we will create. They're gonna be huge...not size-wise, just in the terms of sales. And by sales I mean giving them out to homeless people.

Picking A Band Name

The story thus far is this...

I've tried to enter the challenges in Rock Band 2 with my band, VaJayJay 5000. The game tells me that I can't enter because my band name isn't "classy" enough. I say to myself (and everyone in earshot), "Fuck you, Harmonix. My band name is my identity and I will not be swayed!"

Fast forward a few weeks.

Now Harmonix has given us the ability to buy band merch like pictures, shirts, and even figures. Ok, so you got me. I'm willing to sell out my name...no, my very identity as a band. Where do I sign?

So this is how it feels to be a rock star.

So now the arduous task of picking a new band name. The qualifications are simple, yet extremely hard to fit. First, it has to be funny. I'm not a member of some serious rock outfit, here. We're all about fun and partying. And dick jokes. Second, it has to meet the criteria of "classy".

Shit.

Spore!

I got my copy of Spore on Saturday, courtesy of the GameHounds podcast. Installed it and made Landfall that night. So far I'm enjoying it a lot. I'm actually surprised how well my pc is handling it. I have a grade of 3, and the minimum requirements are a 3, so I figured it would be kinda sluggish. I've seen some pop up here and there, but nothing game killing. I'm just evolving my little Geminisis creature on the planet Vaginosis.

Friday

In my quest to try to post on my blog on a daily basis, I've been having trouble coming up with topics. That being said, how 'bout them Cowboys?

But seriously, this week has taken forever to get to Friday.

Peace out!

Twittelating Apps

I've been test driving a few of the Twitter apps that were recommended to me and I think I've picked my favorite.

I started out with Twitterific, which isn't that terrific. Nothing bad about it, but it just didn't stand out to me as the defacto app.

So, I loaded Twittelator, Twinkle, and TwitterFon. Twinkle was the early front runner because you could see people near you and what they were saying. The deal breaker was when I tried on multiple occaisions to send a picture with the app and was either kicked back to the "desktop" or given a server error. FAIL.

TwitterFon was good, but it doesn't have the added features like location and pictures. That leaves me with Twittelator which only has one issue. It only shows me so many tweets and won't load anymore. I'm sure this would be fixed by paying for the Pro version, and I might do that soon. Otherwise, everything works just as promised. Even pictures!

Idiots In The Workplace

I am blown away every day at some of the idiocy that I encounter here at the workplace. I think I've twittered (tweeted?) about the two guys up here that constantly burp and fart as loud as possible in their cubicles. They honestly have no regard for anyone around them. My buddy Dave drew a sketch of one of them when he used to work here. It's a fairly accurate depiction of the guy.

What really grinds my gears (hehe) is the fact that I'm sure he makes a lot more money than I do. I know he's probably got some fancy degree from some fancy college, but who cares? Does that excuse the complete lack of hygiene, manners, and respect?

Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of the burping and farting. That's a staple of my comedy and I would be loathe to ever give it up, but I do that stuff at home...or at the store...or outside...or...

What I'm saying is I don't really understand: 1) how someone like that is able to make it through the interview and 2) how you actually get the job. Who offered these slobs a job?!

"Welcome aboard! As you can see, we place the trough within walking distance from the giant hole we all shit in. You'll be sitting here. We've replaced the cube walls with barn doors so you feel right at home. Someone will be by once a month to take you outside and hose you off."

Three Years

It's been 3 years to the day since I got the call that Rhea's water broke. It feels like forever, and it's flown by. Doesn't mean I don't think about him every day. He would be 3 on October 22nd.

Whiter Is Better!

I know what you're thinking, and no, this is not another racist tirade. I'll do one of those tomorrow.

We went on Friday to the Apple store and got our iPhones set up. I made an appointment online. We went in and they looked at us like we had feet for hands. They didn't know what form I filled out, but they were able to look it up. Once the kid started setting us up, that's when the fun really started.

We told him that we wanted a white 16Gig and a black 8Gig. Now, this would tell me that we each want a different iPhone. We're porting our numbers over, so therefore you might want to ask which number is going to which phone. Well, this is obviously not a question a Genius should ask, and we ended up with our numbers being on the wrong phones. Fail.

We also asked about the discount for Postal employees. Genius-boy said they can't do that there at the Apple store, and referred us to the AT&T store. Of course, he was able to take our money without a problem, which I'm sure is the most important part of the transaction. My satisfaction is secondary.

So, we ran by the AT&T store and they fixed us up quick. Got the SIM cards switched and the discount applied to our account without a hitch. We should have gone there in the first place, but I called at least 5 stores and couldn't find one with the 8Gig in stock. Of course, the AT&T store we ended up at had them in stock, but whatever!

One of the things I'm really excited about is getting back to scrobbling on Last.FM. It's so much better than the Zune Social. And it works! I feel bad for selling the Zune, but it's just not as good of a device. Even with the inclusion of Hexic.

We've been adding apps all weekend. The best ones so far are the Lightsaber, Cowbell, and Pour1Out apps. Totally worth buying a $300 iPhone!

The Hits Keep On Coming

We discovered yesterday that our dogs have fleas. Fortunately, they don't seem to be of the mutant, flesh eating variety. It's a pretty big deal nonetheless. We had to run to Wal-Mart and buy killer in spray, carpet powder, and shampoo variety. There is now a pile of laundry that needs to be done in hopes of killing the little bastards. The fleas, not the dogs. Yet.

When we're leaving to go buy all the flea destroyer, Rhea notices that some asshole has hit my truck. There's a nice dent in the passenger side where it looks like someone pulled in next to me and misjudged it completely.

We called the police and they came out and gave me a case number for my insurance. Now I get to deal with that. Wonderful!

On the joy side of things, we have an appointment with the Apple store today. I called around to all the AT&T stores looking for 8Gig iPhones, but they were out. The Apple store has "a handfull", so hopefully there's not a big run on them before we get there.

Twitterific!

You just never know what's going to blow up and what isn't. Most comments that are made on Twitter just float on by without so much as a second thought. Then, on rare occasions, a topic explodes and we're all posting 140 characters as fast as we can type them. It's one reason out of 100 that I love Twitter.

Other reasons would be the constant flow of tweets, the ability to send SMS from your phone, and the immediacy of it. Honestly, I don't think there are 100 reasons. Can I change that to 5?

Anyway, tomorrow is the day we're planning on going to the AT&T store and get our iPhones. Yes, even with the announcement of the G1, we are still going to make the switch. Honestly, the G1 doesn't look like anything more than a phone running Windows Mobile. It'll be open source, sure, but I'm not sure that will be able to compete with the app store.

Kohl's Smells

I worked last night at Kohls. It was pretty lame. I'm sure you're thinking "how can it be lame? It's a night job at fucking Kohls!", to which I would say "the people there stink. I mean literally, they smell."

I spent most of my night pondering the how's and why's as to the type of people that work strictly overnight jobs and, furthermore, why those same people tend to have body odor. The lack of bathing immediatly springs to mind. Is there some connection between sleeping all day and not showering? I usually shower before I go in. Makes me feel good to be clean and dingleberry free.

Anyway, I'm going to try to write something here on a daily basis. I imagine that this will last upwards of 2 days, but I'm going to go ahead and proclaim it anyway. I think it may help me hone my chops, as it were.

What is honing, anyway?

Writing Vs. Blogging

I don't fancy myself as much of a writer. As much as I like typing up a bunch of paragraphs, I don't know that I could ever do anything more than blog. I like posting news up at Platform Nation, but that always feels more like regurgitating the same stuff found elsewhere. The thing to do is find something original. Break something open. See something new that somebody missed.

I'm not sure what that means exactly, but it sounds really good. Of course, doing something like that takes a lot of time and commitment, something I'm not too keen on devoting. Not that I don't want to, but it would take away from other things in my life that are important. And I kind of like having my wife around.

I'm not sure what the point of this is, other than the fact that I'm bored. It's just that I look at shit on the internet, and sometimes it just feels like I'm reading the same story over and over. Joystiq posts something that X3F posted that came from Kotaku that came from an interview done by somebody at PAX.

Oversaturation much?

I guess that's why I like podcasting so much. I'm never sure where we're going to go with our show. It's open and loose. Like a hooker having a half-price sale.

If I were to try to write anything, it would have to be comedy. The problem is, writing doesn't feel as spontaneous as just talking. Plus, you don't have anyone to bounce off of. You just have the reader, who probably won't get the subtleties of your fart joke anyway.

Bottom line is, I wish I could record a lot of my day to day conversations. Or possibly have my own reality show where people watch my every move. They could see me work, twitter, drive, play games, and maybe even interact with real people. I'm thinking we bring in the real people in season 2. Let the watchers fall in love with me first. And believe me, they will fall in love.

Stay At Home Week?

Far from it. This week is gonna be pretty busy. At least I think it will be. Hell, who knows?

So, Friday we're planning on getting our iPhones. I really can't wait. I've been using my Dash for 2 years now and it's really showing its age. I have to delete text messages every few days because the memory is full. Drives me crazy!

Of course, as soon as we are planning on going to the AT&T store, the rumor starts that a 32GB iPhone might be coming. That's fucking awesome! So, do we wait? I'm thinking no. I've suffered long enough!

I really can't complain too much about my Dash. It's been a pretty solid little phone. I've had to replace the battery, but that's really it. I'm impressed with myself that I was able to use it for two years without getting the itch for a new phone (up until the 3G iPhone came out, that is).

I'm still wanting to get a new Xbox, but I'm going to put that off for a while. iPhone comes first! I snuck in some Rock Band 2 on Saturday and played The Club last night. I even downloaded the bike patch for Burnout Paradise. Fun was had. And beer.

Good times.

I've been listening to the new Metallica album. It's pretty good. I'm impressed. Doesn't make me want to buy it, but I will recommend it to anyone that wants a good, illegal download.

Speaking of good downloads, I listened to episode 34 of GameHounds this morning. They were giving away Spore, and I won! I'm so excited to get that game. I really hope it plays on my PC. The creature creator ran ok, so I'm hoping I have just power to give it a go. Thanks to Edie and Hawkes for giving it away. I'll make something with really big balls just for them.

Rock Band 2!

As you can see, I picked up Rock Band 2 this weekend. I decided to go to Walmart at midnight to grab it. Unfortunately, the first Walmart we went to didn't have it. Personally, I think they had it, but just didn't want to get it out for us. There were about 8 people there waiting, and we got the shaft.

I ended up staying up till about 4 a.m. playing and drinking some cold beers. Talk about good times!

At one point, I took a break and went to Raptr.com and signed up. I'm not sure why. Honestly, I think the Michelob made me do it.

So far it's not doing anything for me. I mean literally, it hasn't done anything yet. They say it takes a while to sync up with your Xbox Live account, but I'm thinking it doesn't take days. Of course, I had trouble with Brightkite at first, but it's working now. I'm probably just too impatient. Expecting everything to work sooner than later. Crazy!

Samurai Slowdown

Alright, so now I'm pissed. A quick browsing of Major Nelson's blog post about Samurai Shodown 2 proves that the game was originally listed at 400 fake points, then later upped to 800. That's $10 in real money for a retro title. What the fuck?

I know I've been bitching about the rising prices of arcade titles for a while now, and I'm sure everyone is pretty sick of it. Oh well.

I have really been looking forward to this game since I heard it was in the works. My sister and I used to play the hell out of the Genesis version. Nothing beats playing as Hanzo and doing a bunch of cheap grabs. lol!

Anyway, I've decided that I'm done with the Xbox Live Arcade. I've bought my last title. I'm not shelling out 800 points for a game that should be 400 since Microsoft is trying to push their price increase with the "Summer of Arcade". Fuck that. Any money I spend on downloadable games will be on the PSN.

The sticky-sweet irony of the whole thing is that I'm in the market for a new 360 with the 60Gig HDD. My quasi-launch system's disc drive has been making some very unpleasant noises lately, and even given me disc read errors while playing Rock Band the other night. I'm not sure, but I think that's a sign that I might be screwed.

Of course, buying a new Xbox means moving all my content to a new HDD. I do not look forward to that, especially since I've never migrated my licenses to the replacement system they sent me after my launch console RROD'd. I anticipate it being a pain in the ass.

Anyway, look for my Xbox on eBay! Bidding starts at $149.99!

Buddy And Stuff

I picked up Buddy from the Humane Society on Tuesday. He was all groggy from being neutered. It was funny when he tried to walk. He stumbled sideways like he was drunk. Hehe. The HS did piss me off when I asked for his ear medication. They told us more than once when we visited that he had an infection and would have drops. When I asked for it I was told it was locked in a room and that the person with the key was already gone. Convenient! I called the next day and found out that there were never any drops. The vet had never looked at it. I would need to bring him back in to have the vet look and see what kind of medication we needed. And all this had to happen before the vet left at 3. Really? Because I have all the time and gas in the world to make multiple trips up there because you people are dumbasses!

In other news, I'm currently on the job hunt. I've got my resume' out on Monster and CareerBuilder. There are layoffs happening here at my job, and I want to get while the getting is good. I've been told that they aren't planning on laying me off, but I don't trust them. There are other factors at work here that I can't really explain. Suffice it to say that there is a mole in place with a direct line to my manager. 'Nuff said.

Humane Society My Ass!

We've learned over the last few days that the Humane Society is run about as well as...well...as well as Uwe Boll directs movies. (Sorry, that's the best I could come up with.) They determined that Buddy is not adoptable because he's skittish and unpredictable. I'm sure they barely spent any time to make this determination. If we weren't willing to adopt him, his fate would be death. So much for no-kill.

To The Humane Society We Go

to the humane society
Originally uploaded by Gemini Ace

Rhea got home from work yesterday to find Buddy (that's what we named him) sitting by our front door. He came to her and let her pick him up. I got home and we headed to the Human Society.

Once we got him there we found out that they aren't exactly a no-kill shelter. Apparently there is no such thing as a no-kill shelter. They just don't do it on site. They send the animals off to another location to have them put down. Even places like Operation Kindness aren't no-kill. They can just say that because they don't actually do the killing themselves. How convenient.

Once we found that out, we really didn't want to leave him. But, we live in a one bedroom apartment. We just don't have the room. So, we gave them our phone numbers in case they determine he's not adoptable or something. Pretty much if they're going to put him to sleep, we want to be called so we can adopt him.

Hopefully he will be adopted by a good family or lonely single guy. I just don't think it's right for him to be put down just because they don't think he's adoption material.

I know you can't save every animal, but I would think they would try a little harder. The girls that worked there seemed pretty flippant about the whole thing. I'm going to call tomorrow and check on him.

Our Stray

stray pup
Originally uploaded by Gemini Ace

We've been seeing a stray dog around the apartments lately. I first saw him last Friday. He's really skinny and skittish. We've been trying to coax him to come to us by leaving food and treats. I'm hoping we can catch him and take him to the Humane Society. I'm worried that if the regular dog catcher catches him, they'll end up putting him to sleep instead of finding him a home.

It's obvious he's been abused because he won't come near us. The picture shows how much distance he's putting between us. And if we move towards him, he moves away.

We are trying to show him that we're not going to hurt him, but it will take time. I'm just worried we don't have a lot of time before someone catches him.

The Force Unleashed Demo

I downloaded and subsequently played the demo for The Force Unleashed yesterday. I played through four times and it was a blast. I recorded my second play through and uploaded it to YouTube. I also took a bunch of screenshots and slapped them up on my Flickr. I cannot wait for this game!

TEETH

So, we were sitting in front of the TV last night with absolutely nothing to watch. We don't care about the Olympics or any of the other completely lame shows that are on Monday nights (except Two and a Half Men). We had two movies from Netflix, but Rhea didn't want to watch them. They were more for me. For some reason she doesn't want to see Doomsday. I can't imagine why not.

So, I get the brilliant idea to browse the Xbox Live Marketplace for a movie to rent. We had never done that, so I figured what the hell.

The selection is not the greatest, and it took is a good half hour or so to find a couple of possibilities. Once we settled on the movie, I had to delete a couple demos off my hard drive to make room. Thanks, 20Gigs!!

If you don't know what Teeth is about, (and shame on you if you don't), let me break it down for you. Teeth is the story of a girl who is born with teeth. I'm sure you're saying to yourself "everybody has teeth".

Not like this.

She has teeth in her hoohaa. You know, down there! It's called vagina dentata.

The movie starts a little slow, basically laying the groundwork for the rest of the film where she comes in to her own, as it were. And once it gets going, it's a dick-chomping good time, which is both hilarious and cringe-inducing. I can't recommend this movie enough. It doesn't go into super cheesy territory, and that really saves it. This could have been some really bad horror flick, but instead it's funny where it needs to be and creepy everywhere else.

Bowling For Soup

We went to the Live8 event on Saturday night. It was basically a birthday party for the radio station we listen to. I was really excited to see Bowling for Soup and I was not disappointed. BFS has to be the funniest band I've ever seen. Not that many bands try to be funny. Most are so serious it's depressing.

They opened the show with a monologue on 80's hair metal that was funnier than either of the comedians that performed at the show. Then, once they started, it was a constant stream of hilarity. They even stopped mid-song for a photo op (below). Awesome!

Expanding The Brand

The name Gemini Ace means a lot of things to a lot of people. To some people I'm a guy that trolls your forum and makes immature comments about your posts. To others, I'm the guy that twitters incessantly about crazy bullshit that may or may not matter to anyone but me. And to even more people I'm a guy that runs a little independent podcast about whatever the hell I feel like talking about. However you slice it, it's a marketing machine intent on assaulting pop culture in every facet of its existence.

I'm expanding the brand here at Gemini Ace, Inc. In the coming days I will be initiating steps that will increase our exposure 1 fold. Possibly even 1.5 fold. If I had any idea how to make a flow chart, pie graph, or 3d data model, I would show you our projections for the rest of the year. Please just picture a horizontal line going slightly up.

Keep your eyes peeled for things like Gemini Ace branded posts over at Platform Nation. I have partnered with them to post news in return for them letting me post news. I think it's a good deal, and one that will totally benefit them in the long run. I just hope the traffic from my blog doesn't take down the site.

Interest has also been generated for a photo from my vast archive. It's just a little article about how cooking has changed over the last 200,000 years. Of course, in another several thousand years, my archives will probably be found by some alien colonists and worshiped as artwork and/or they will look upon my visage as a long lost deity.

Either way, it's all good.

Twitter is Down

This is absolutely brilliant. I know exactly how he feels. And about the jews, too. Damn jews.

Gemini Division

This looks kinda cool. Hopefully they will contact me about being a guest star.

My Never

Awesome new Blue October song.

America's Got Talent?

We've been watching America's Got Talent lately, and I just have to speak out about this insane hodgepodge of a reality show.

It's not that the show is bad. I mean, we're still watching, so it either has some type of subliminal messages keeping me tuned in, or it's actually a compelling show in it's own right.

The irony is how seemingly regular people are competing with some freaks of nature in the same category. Of course, I use the term freaks of nature in the nicest way possible.

What really irritates me about the show is how they've allowed certain contestants are put through not based on their talent, but some other quality altogether. For example, they've put through two little kids, one 4 and one 9 years old. They eliminated a 15 year old girl that could play the piano and sing, but kept the two kids that sound like high-pitched Disney characters. It's cute that a little girl can sing Wish Upon a Star, but is that better than someone that can legitimately sing and play an instrument? No.

Secondly, they didn't eliminate the Army guy that forgot the words to his damn song! I have a theory on this, and please don't take this as me hating on people in the armed forces. I'm not. But, the reason this guy is in the competition and remained in the competition is because he's a soldier. He wore his fatigues up there at the first audition, then wore his dress blues last night when he forgot the words.

It seems to me like the guy knew he would get a huge chunk of sympathy from the audience and judges for letting it be known that he's a soldier and that he had been in Iraq. And that's fine. Put that on the application. If it comes up, cool. But don't go out there in your fatigues. And the guy really doesn't have the talent to make it any other way. He's not bad, but he's not that good, either.

I have realized that there is a sure fire way to win America's Got Talent. Take a four year old, put them in fatigues, and have them sing some song about coming home or being away from their family. Instant win!

Troublemaker

People like to post videos of themselves playing Rock Band and Guitar Hero tracks on expert and scoring 100%. That is why I'm posting videos of me playing on medium and NOT getting 100%. I think it's funny and ironic. Plus, I'm pretty good at medium. Not 100% good, but still good.

Too Drunk!

Brightkite

So, somebody sent me an invite to Brightkite.com yesterday. I'm not sure who it was, but whoever you are, thanks!

I signed up and started playing around. It took me a while to get my settings tweaked in order to get my posts and check ins to go to twitter, but thanks to a really helpful Brightkite guy, I got it worked out.

I just question the value of location-based blogging. It's an interesting idea, but it just feels like something I'm tacking on to Twitter.

Brightkite might grab me more when we eventually get our iPhones. Yes, that's right. Rhea and I have pretty much decided that we're going to get iPhones when our T-Mobile contract runs out in October. I still have to find out how the data plan works and how much it will cost us per month, and I'm also hoping they patch in MMS messaging by then also. That's really the only sticking point I have right now. It's almost a deal breaker. I wish I could test one out before I buy it and see what the difference is.

Gears of War Event

I went to one of my local Gamestops last night for the Gears after hours event. I actually went to two Gamestops, but the first one wasn't holding the tournament because nobody had signed up. So, I ran to another one that was right down the road and got in.

First, we watched the video hosted by Cliffy B. It was maybe two minutes long. There was some cool looking gameplay shown, but not a lot obviously. Cliffy said that you would be fighting on the highest peak of Sera to the lowest...area. Something like that. It was over so quick I barely remember.

The GS manager told us later that the video was "defective" and that it should have been an hour and a half long. I don't really know if I believe that. The video we watched during the first event wasn't that long. Not sure they would produce an hour and a half of video for this little event, but whatever.

So, then they got our names and started up the "tournament". It was basically one round, 1 vs 1, on Gridlock. They removed all the power weapons so nobody could "get lucky with the boomshot". I was knocked out the first round, which wasn't a huge surprise to me. It was a close match, though. It ended up with us at very close range using shotguns on each other. Both of our screens were bloody. He just happened to get a lucky shot.

By the way, we had to play on the Xbox 360 kiosk machine and the little LCD display on split screen. And we watched Cliffy's video on what I think was a 13" CRT. Very nice!

I did get a t-shirt out of the deal, so I'm happy.

Batman, Meet Dave

We caught The Dark Knight last night with Alana, Kenneth, her friends and my dad. It was a good movie, made even better/creepier by Heath Ledgers performance as The Joker. He really stole the show, and I wanted to see more scenes with him in the movie.

I'm not going to say that Dark Knight was the best move EVAR! It's easily up there, but I think the length hurts it a bit. I had heard that there wasn't really anything that could be cut out, but I disagree with that. I won't go into details here since I don't want to spoil anything. I just think it could have been tightened up a bit and kept to a solid 2 hours.

Ledger's performance was incredible. He really made you think that he was completely insane, and therein lies the brilliance of The Joker. He has a plan, but it's wrapped in so much insanity and chaos that no one has a chance at unraveling it. Except Batman, of course.

And by the way, why does Bale talk like that when he's Batman? You know, with the growl. I remember Keaton having a different voice for Batman, but it wasn't that pronounced and weird.

And since I love seeing a great superhero movie do well as much as I love seeing a crap movie tank, let's talk Meet Dave. I was reading up on the box office totals for this cinematic piece of shit, and by all accounts it's as big a flop as Pluto Nash. It cost anywhere from $65 to $100 million to make (I've seen both numbers online), and only made a little over $5 million its opening weekend. Damn, that makes me happy.

My main question is, who the hell went to go see it? Who arrived at the theater with money in hand and told the person behind the glass "One for Meet Dave"?

Seriously, we need to find out who these people are, or at least don't let them leave the theater once we have them. They should all be transported to some remote location in the desert and studied, then shot. I mean, first we need to isolate that gene that makes you want to see a movie like that, then eradicate it.

We also need to go ahead and stop Eddie Murphy from making any other movies. I honestly can't tell you of the last good movie he was in. Beverly Hills Cop maybe?

Really? Do we have to go back into the 80's to find a decent movie for this guy? And Shrek doesn't count because 1)all of them suck and 2)he's just reading a script and doing a voice.

And by the way, who's holding the purse strings on these movies? Give me $65 million and I'll greenlight something good. Something with action, guns, and boobs. Lots of boobs.

Six Flags

My wife's birthday is this Sunday, so as her present I decided we would go to Six Flags this week. We have been talking about it for a while since they had the kids pricing going on, so it was a good idea.

We got there around 10:30 a.m. when they opened. We left at 9:00 p.m. Yea, we were tired. :-)

It was really great because we didn't have to wait in line for long to ride any of the rides. The longest wait we had was to get on Tony Hawk's Big Spin. We were able to just walk onto the Texas Giant (and get our picture taken).

I got a bunch of great pictures that I put up on my Flickr. It was funny, because I wanted to get my picture with the Joker and Riddler, but they left before we could get it the first time. So, when we saw them towards the end of the day, I jumped at the chance. I did feel like a big dork, but that's nothing new for me. Hehe.

MSN Auto Design Challenge...Thingy

Thanks to Deaconblade360, I've been trying to get some free MS points by entering this MSN design contest. They basically give you a Dodge Charger and some color options and decals and let you go to town. It's a little deeper than that, but I'm not so deluded that I think anything I design will win, so it's really just about making the gayest car I can.

Flickrdown

Yesterday, I posed the question on Twitter whether there was an app that would allow you to download all of your Flickr photos to your desktop. I was quickly answered by Jay900, who pointed me to Flickrdown. I used it last night, and it is awesome!

The only thing that I can see that this app needs is some RSS support. My idea is something like an RSS reader, but it automatically downloads any new photos directly to your machine. No need to go in and select the new ones. I'm sure this is possible, and if I had any idea how to implement this, I would.

You could even go as far as having a separate folder for photos that you tag. The app would recognize the tag (for example, the tag "print"), and then you could know that you want to print that photo. Then uploading it to a store like Walgreens would be a snap.

Basically, I take a lot of photos with my phone and send them to Flickr, so those pics rarely actually get saved on my hard drive.

Anyway, it's a great program and I recommend it if you use Flickr with your phone.

Fireworks And A Three Day Weekend

fireworks
Originally uploaded by Gemini Ace

It was nice to have a three day weekend. I was scheduled to work at Kohl's on Saturday night, but I called in sick. We had both asked for it off, but they scheduled me anyway. Not cool.

We went to Alana's and hung out for a while. They had fireworks out there, which was cool. I tried to take pictures with my phone with varying results.

We're going to get new phones come October when our T-Mobile plan runs out. We're thinking about going with Verizon and getting the Glyde or something else like it. I don't really want the iPhone because I don't want to be tied down to Apple and iTunes.

Anyway, it was a good weekend. Played a bunch of UT3 on my PS3. I might be almost done with the campaign. I've been seeing people that are playing it on the 360. I'm hoping Epic adds trophies to it since they had to give it cheevos on the 360.

Free HD-DVD's = Happiness

free hd-dvds!
Originally uploaded by Gemini Ace

I finally got my free movies for buying the HD-DVD add on for the 360 back in March. Can you really beat a $50 player and 5 free movies? I think not!

Funny thing is, I only got one movie that was listed on the original form. The others were all substitutes, and definite upgrades to what was originally offered. I mean, Transformers in HD? Yes, please!

The Force Unleashed

While it's still 2 months away, I can't help but start to get excited for the new Star Wars game, The Force Unleashed. It's one of the few games I'm planning on actually buying on release this year. The question I have is whether I'm buying the Xbox 360 version or the Wii version. I guess I will have to wait for some reviews, although the 360 and PS3 versions were developed by LucasArts, while the Wii version was handled by a 3rd party. I'm not sure if some exclusive content (and multiplayer) will be enough to outweigh the cheevos. Of course, if the motion control works well and you can realistically use the lightsaber and force powers, then I'm totally there.

Hazy Haze

I borrowed Haze from my friend at work last week. We each bought PS3's from Wal-Mart. I used my free $100 gift card on groceries, and he used his on Haze. Not the best decision he's ever made, but I got to play it for free, so I'm not complaining. Hehe.

Overall, I thought the gameplay was decent. It wasn't groundbreaking, but it didn't feel as floaty as the TimeSplitters games always felt to me. There were a lot of good ideas in there that really just didn't get executed as well as they could have. Shouldn't I have been a little more addicted to Nectar? I mean, give me some withdrawal symptoms in-game.

What really stuck out to me was the language. They slung fuck and motherfucker around quite a bit. I know it's a M rated game and all, but I guess I'm just not used to the NPC's calling me a motherfucker. It just felt like they were just saying it to say it. There wasn't a lot of context aside from the fact that they were all juiced up on Nectar.

By the way, if you're going to go ahead and let the motherfucker's fly, then why not give your soldiers a better battlecry than "boosh!"

I think I was almost through the campaign when I started hitting some bugs. I was driving a vehicle and crashed head first into an enemy vehicle, which caused all sorts of craziness. When I loaded the checkpoint, there were no textures loaded and no vehicle. Just me driving around, leaving tire tracks on nothing. So, I re-loaded and it worked for a few minutes until it finally froze. It's at that point that I decided I was done with it.

I did get Unreal Tournament 3 for the PS3 and it is gorgeous. Glad I got it for the PS3 instead of waiting for the 360 version.

The Incredible Hulk

We went to see The Incredible Hulk this weekend. I really enjoyed the movie. It's not as good as Iron Man, but it's up there.

The best thing about the Iron Man and Hulk movies is the fact that they are taking obvious steps towards an Avengers movie. Nick Fury comes to Iron Man and, in turn, Tony Stark comes to General Ross in the Hulk. They're putting together a team. The Avengers initiative. Oh, it's gonna be awesome!

My theory on the movie is this. It will star Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, the Hulk, Ant Man, and possibly the Wasp. I would also really like to see Hawkeye and the Vision to make an appearance. The Vision would be pretty easy to pull off special effects wise, and he would fit into the plot I have in mind.

I don't really have a point by point plot mapped out, just some broad strokes. I think the Avengers are being brought together to battle a single adversary, Ultron. At some point I think it would be cool if they capture the Vision or he infiltrates them somehow. Then, he turns against them (big battle ensues), and then he redeems himself at the end and joins the team. Ultron will be pretty easy to do the CGI on since we've seen it already in Iron Man. At some point Ant Man will have to get huge, Banner will have to Hulk out, and Cap will throw his shield. Oh, and Thor will have to sling his hammer through a bunch of robots!

Spore Creature - Balsac

Digg it!

My Spore Creations

So Much Music!

I've been downloading a bunch of new music lately, all of which has been pretty excellent. I highly recommend all of these albums, whether you download them legally or not. :-)

It's Been A While

I can't believe how long it's been since my last post. I haven't been that busy, so it just doesn't make sense. Actually, each time I've thought of posting I just didn't have anything I was itching to say. Now, the itch in my crotch is a different story. Hehe.

Anyway, we didn't get any hours at Kohl's this week, so it's been kind of a vacation. We've watched some Netflix movies (Semi-Pro, Juno, and Batman), and cleaned house. Our anniversary is coming up on the 19th. 3 years! Feels like 30. lol!

Alana and I recorded episode 53 of ACFriends. We might be recording episode 54 this weekend if everything works out. The forums have been busy thanks to Hacker and his trivia. We've been doing the show for over 2 years now. It's amazing to me that we've amassed a fan base and so much history. Now if I could just remember Alana's town name!

It looks like my old buddy GLewis is posting news on the GameTalk site. I'll have to add it to the sites I visit regularly. Africansk8er also redesigned the ACFriends site. It looks flippin' sweet! Speaking of sites, I've been cruising PS3 Fanboy a lot lately. Wonder why? Cuz I got a PS3 last week. Wal-Mart had a deal where you got $100 gift card when you bought one. I had some birthday money left over, plus some stimulus money equals 40 gig PS3. Woot!

I have to say I'm really impressed with it so far. I got my HDMI cable this week. 1080p is fucking awesome. I have my 360 running at 720p through component. I really can't tell the difference, but the demos I've played on the PS3 so far have been gorgeous.

Wii Fit Day 3

So, I lost another 17 pounds yesterday. I know! I'm hoping to be -180 by Christmas!

I'm not sure what the deal is, but I went ahead and added the extra foot extensions to the balance board to see if that fixes the weight issue. I don't have thick shag carpet or anything and I'm using the yoga mat, so I wouldn't think this would be an issue. I will try it again today and see what it tells me.

The game was kind of worried that I lost so much so fast. Not so worried that it didn't want me to create a new goal for myself, though.

I Heart YouTube

These two videos are why I love YouTube.

Wii Fit Day 2

I did my second day of Wii Fit yesterday when I got home. I did a little strength training, hoola hoop, and ran in place. It was pretty fun and I actually felt like I had done a work out.

The funny thing is, the game said I lost 13 pounds since Saturday. I'm not one to argue with science, but that seems kind of impossible. Of course, the first day I was holding a double cheeseburger in one hand and a milkshake in the other, but that's besides the point!

Wii Fit

I finally unboxed my Wii Fit and booted it up. It's no big shock that it told me I'm obese. Hehe. I am excited about the possibilities. I set up a goal for myself. Losing 3.4 pounds every 2 weeks seems doable.

On The Rain-Slick Slope

Two recent events have caused me to be very concerned about the prices we'll be paying for Xbox Live Arcade games in the near future.

First, Microsoft announced that they will be restructuring the XBLA. Basically, this means they will be de-listing titles that don't perform well or get low scores on Metacritic. You know this will include mostly retro titles that debuted at 400 points. I don't know why they don't just discount them and try to boost sales. The whole point of having digital distribution is to save money on packaging and shelf space. Arcade titles don't require any of that, so why take them off the service?

Second, the Penny Arcade game sold over 16k copies so far according to X3F. This means that, even with it's hefty $20 price tag, it still sold extremely well. Now, there's nothing wrong with a game selling well. The problem is the message that is sent by those numbers. Pricing the game at $20 was a risk, but it was also a way to test the waters to see if the world is ready for a 1600 point arcade game. Well, according to over 16,000 of you, we are. Thanks for fucking the rest of us!

Now, everyone makes the argument that the game is 7-8 hours, which is more than some retail games. And they say that those of us that speak out against the prices are just too poor to buy them. I call bullshit on both those arguments and I'll tell you why.

First off, 7-8 hours of gameplay is fine, but that's all you get. There's no multiplayer. There's no real replay value unless you want to play the same story multiple times. Also, if it were a retail game you would have the option to trade it in for credit or sell it on eBay. With the digital distribution, the game will just sit on your hard drive forever.

Finally, just because I don't want to drop $20 on a 8 hour game does not mean I'm poor. It means I'm not willing to support higher prices for the sake of higher prices. I'm all for the advancement of the industry, but this just smacks of the fleecing of the 360 install base.

Some people who are big PA fans may think the game is reasonably priced, but I say it's just one more step in the direction of higher prices and less value for the consumer.

I Am Legend Is The Saddest Movie Ever

We watched I Am Legend this last weekend and it's now the saddest movie ever to me.

I had heard some warnings about the movie when it came out. About how the part with the dog is pretty rough. I had no idea that it was so bad!

One of my deep dark secrets has always been that the end of the movie Armageddon where Bruce Willis says goodbye to Liv Tyler always turns on the waterworks in me. I don't know what it is, but that scene just gets me every time. Maybe it's because I love Bruce Willis so much. Maybe it's because Liv Tyler can't act. Whatever it is, it makes me all soft and moist...around my eye sockets. Basically, it's my Beaches.

Until I Am Legend.

Seriously, if you have a dog you probably shouldn't watch this movie. I sat there enjoying the story and Will Smith's ripped physique...I mean acting chops. Then, out of no where a mannequin pops up in the street and Mr. Smiff was hanging upside down. I have no idea where the mannequin came from or who set the trap, but the end result was that his dog was infected with the disease.

If you haven't seen the movie, (by the way, spoiler alert) here's some background on the dog. It was his daughter's dog. His daughter and wife were killed in the helicopter he put them on to get them out of the city. That's all he has left is the dog. Plus, he's all alone except for the dog, which to him obviously represents his family, his friends, and pretty much the entire human race.

So, there I am, bawling like a baby while he snuffs the life out of his best friend. Rhea actually woke up to see what was wrong, but I couldn't pull it together to even tell her.

Yes, I'm a big pussy. Whatever!

Busy Busy Busy

Man, I've been busy. Between my birthday, working my 2 jobs, and everything else I haven't had time to blog at all. Not that I'm complaining. I've been doing some cool shit.

I got my little Phillips mp3 player in the mail on Friday. I've been using it's built in microphone to record some segments for the new podcast I've been thinking about. I'm not sure when it will come out or if it will come out. I've got some ideas that have been percolating in my brain for a while. Making them a reality is another thing altogether.

We worked overnight on Saturday, then I went with my parents and Alana to Winstar in Oklahoma. It was a ton of fun. I didn't win anything. We did get our lunch comped by the casino. Good times!

My parents gave me some shirts and cash for my birthday. My mom made an awesome cake. My sister got me 1600 Microsoft points, a blue Xbox 360 controller (FTW!), and a sweet shirt. I upgraded to a Flickr pro account. It's something I've wanted to do for a while, so I'm pretty happy about that. We went to Target last night and I found a rechargeable battery pack for my new controller. I couldn't believe it was on clearance for like nine bucks!

I also downloaded a bunch of new music this weekend. New stuff from The Last Shadow Puppets, Filter, Death Cab for Cutie, 3 Doors Down, and 10 Years. All good stuff and all thanks to ThePirateBay.org.

The Big Three Three

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm 33. Not much of a milestone, but it's all good. Here's a photo tour of the fun. :-)

After we got home from work, we headed to Buffalo Wild Wings for some delicious $.50 boneless wings and even more delicious Michelob Ultra.


We had a great time. I really do love that place. I love my wife even more!


When we got home, she put the candles on my Iron Man cake and lit them up. I have more pictures of me blowing them out. Those will be up later.


Rhea bought me a really cool Jalapeno Pepper Roaster from Williams Sonoma. I can't wait to stuff some jalapenos and grill them up in it. Gonna be delicious...although my ass may not agree.


Buffy, Buttercup, and Baylee pooled their money and bought me Super Smash Bros Brawl for the Wii. I was so impressed. I didn't even know they had money!

Advance Wars: Days of Ruin

Got started on the new Advance Wars game last week once it finally arrived from Amazon, no thanks to the idiot post office.

Anyway, so far it's a pretty fun game. It's standard Advance Wars gameplay, but the new setting and units are really cool. The only irritation comes from all the damn text you have to read between missions. I understand there's a plot, but do I have to read all the "witty" banter? Pass!

Days of Ruin is definitely worth buying. It's the best franchise on the DS in my opinion.

Red Alert 3

Holy shit, EA is making a sequel to one of my favorite games of all time. I loved Red Alert 2. I played it daily for probably almost 2 years. I will probably have to upgrade my pc to play it, but that's ok. I don't want to play it on the console because I didn't think the other Command and Conquer was very good on the 360.

Comic Book Movies

We went to see Iron Man tonight. 5 o'clock twilight show only cost $4.50 a person. Gotta love a deal!

I really have to say that Iron Man is up there with the all time greats as far as comic book movies go. It stands toe to toe with the first Spider-Man, X-Men, and Batman. Marvel continues to successfully move their characters from the page to the screen with so much attention to detail and love. Of course, there have been a few hiccups along the way (I'm looking at you, Hulk), but overall if you're a fan of Marvel Comics this is a great time to be going to the movies.

I keep a mental list of the best comic movies in my head. I'm going to put it right here so it's official. Here we go!

• X-Men 2 - Yea, I know. The sequel was better than the original. A rarity for sure, but it gave us everything we wanted in the first one and more. It's the pinnacle to which all other comic book movies aspire.
• Spider-Man - The definitive origin story coupled with the greatest hero/villain combo the world has ever known.
  
• Batman - This is hard. I love Batman Begins, but you have to give it up to Keaton and Burton for making Batman a bankable franchise in the first place. The sequels do not count. Returns was ruined by Devito. Forever was ruined by Kilmer. There's not enough room to explain what went wrong with Batman and Robin. Bat-nipples.
  
• X-Men - The move that made Hugh Jackman a star. He is Wolverine. Seeing him pop his claws for the first time was bliss.
  
• Iron Man - The perfect plot, great acting, and incredibly believable special effects. And we saw Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury. Nerdgasm!
• Blade - It's been pushed down the list lately, but it still holds a warm spot in my heart. We wouldn't have any of these mighty Marvel movies if it weren't for this guy.
• Superman Returns - The thing that keeps this movie out of the top 5? Kate Bosworth. Lois Lane is not a ultra-skinny 20-something. She's a tough as nails reporter in the big city of Metropolis. The only mistake Brian Singer ever made besides leaving X-Men 3.
• Batman Begins - Anything would be better than Batman and Robin. Thankfully we got this masterpiece. And whoever decided to use the same Batmobile in the sequel deserves a big raise.
• Hellboy - Who doesn't love Big Red? And who knew Selma Blair was so hot?
  
• Blade 2 - Goes hand in hand with Hellboy. Guillermo del Toro did Blade as a precursor to Hellboy. And the world is a better place for it.

Those are the best. Here's the rest.

• X-Men 3 - What the fuck? Everyone involved in this abortion should resign from the industry immediately. Bret Ratner not only made the Juggernaut a mutant (he's not), but he decided that mutants can have more than one power. The worst comic movie ever made.
  
• Dardevil - I didn't hate this movie, but I can see why it's not loved by the majority of the geeks. You have to give it up to the director for killing Elektra the exact same way as in the comic book. I remember my jaw hitting the floor when I first saw it. That being said, Bullseye was the worst translation of a villain ever.
  
• Elektra - All I can say is, "huh"? I've seen it, but I couldn't tell you what it was about. Not a good sign.
• The Hulk - Can we please pretend like this one never happened? Thanks!
• Superman IV - Seriously? Anything after the 2nd one shouldn't exist.
• Spider-Man 3 - Two words - Emo Peter Parker. And did anybody think to explain where the Venom symbiote came from? Nope! Let's just say it came from space. Who needs details?!
  

I didn't mention the Fastastic Four movies. Those are pretty good so I put them in the first list. Same with Ghost Rider. They're good, but the lack of a big budget holds them back from cracking the top 10.

Wearing Pants Is Overrated

I've been super busy this week so I haven't had time to post anything. Here's a quick update on where I am, what I'm doing, and why I'm doing it. (It may not be that detailed, but damn that sounded good.)

I got my package from Amazon earlier this week. The post office didn't screw me on this one. Shocker! They still haven't called me about anything, but what do you expect? I did e-mail Woot.com and ask them about it. They actually refunded my money! I was amazed and happy. Now that's customer service!

Speaking of Woot, they had a woot off today. It wasn't that great. I didn't buy anything. They did have a USB missile launcher, but I missed that one. Dammit!

I started my overnight job at Kohl's this week. It's not too bad, although working overnight then going to your regular day job does wear a brotha out. It's a decent job and a good way to get some money into savings, so I'm all for it. Rhea works there, too.

We took Baylee and Buttercup to the vet this evening for shots. Baylee threw up on me on the way home. Poor baby. I'm not very happy with her because she's decided that chewing on electronic cords is a fun thing to do. She chewed my play and charge cable to my 360, the power cord to my router, and one of my CAT-5 cables. WTF? Buffy and Butter never did that. I sprayed all the cords with some stuff that's supposed to taste really bad. Hopefully that will deter her.

It's time for Lost, so I'm gonna end it here.

Peace out!

I Hate The Post Office

I'm not exaggerating when I make the above statement. It's a point of fact that has been cemented into my brain. It's an interesting thing, too, because my wife and sister both work for the post office. But here I am, wishing I could declare a jihad on the whole damn organization. I'm like one of those senators that speaks out against gay marriage, meanwhile I'm banging dudes in an airport bathroom.

As some of my twitter buddies know, I was working for the post office earlier this year and eventually quit. I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty details about what happened in this post, but suffice to say that I was bent over a mail cart and corn holed by those bastards. I've talked to everyone I can get to answer a phone, including the union, and I got no help whatsoever.

There are so many things wrong with the post office. First off is the union. They make it so it's impossible to get rid of people that don't do their jobs. The post office is powerless to take any action against an employee for fear of the union. This does nothing but create an environment where the employees think they are bulletproof. Therefore they do the least work possible. Meanwhile, hard working people like me that do a good job get the shaft because the lazy regular carrier doesn't train worth a shit.

The second thing is the fact that the postal service, whether they would admit it or not, is a monopoly. There's no such thing as quitting the mail or going to a different service provider. If you want your bills, letters, and junk mail, you have to use the post office. They use UPS and FedEx as justification for being a monopoly, but the reality is that nobody in their right mind would send a letter using UPS and no company is going to send out their billing statements using FedEx. As soon as I can change my service provider like I can change my cell phone provider, then we will have progress.

What put me over the edge about the post office is not what happened to me while I was employed, but what has happened recently to me as a postal customer.

Recently my wife ordered a new pair of eye glasses off the internet. We tracked the package and it showed delivered. We did not have the glasses. We ventured down to the mail boxes at our apartments and found the package in an unlocked parcel locker. It was unlocked because the lock was broken. The carrier just left it in there with no notice in our regular box. This is the issue that prompted us to buy a P.O. box and put in a forward for our mail.

A few weeks ago I ordered a couple MP3 players from woot.com. They were only $10 each. Not a big ticket item, but it's still something I would like to receive. The package was lost due to the incompetent carrier forwarding the parcel. It's currently languishing in Dallas, probably being used as a doorstop or booger receptacle.

The final straw was yesterday when I tracked my Amazon package. I ordered Advance Wars: Days of Ruin from Amazon for cheap the other day and I've been excited ever since. The tracking showed it as delivered on the 28th. WTF?

I called 1-800-ASK-USPS and finally got a woman on the phone. I told her my story and she transferred me to someone else for no other reason than she didn't want to deal with me. I was livid and let loose on the new guy. Shockingly, he was very helpful.

Now, I sit here and wait for the post office to call me and bless me with information on my two parcels. Meanwhile, they are in no rush to provide any useful information because they have a monopoly on the industry and employ lazy, union protected jackasses who would rather complain about how many breaks they get instead of deliver me my fucking package!

Of course, when I refer to all postal employees as lazy, union protected jackasses, I don't mean my wife or my sister. They are the few that actually try to make a difference. My only wish is that someone would walk into that organization and fire 90% of the people and start over with people who actually want to work. Who actually have a vested interest in making sure you get your mail, as opposed to just being interested in getting done as fast as possible no matter how many mistakes they make and how many parcels get lost.

...and I'm spent.